I’ve been so quiet here. So still. In amongst being busy too… But back in November I wrote about how I was struggling… That I was exhausted and something was “lacking”.
I think I’ve found it. Some of it was doubt – “How can I, little hippy that I am, do the work that I am feeling called to – when I’m not even sure what it is or how to describe it? How do I take the Visions that I’ve seen and transform them into something that I can do, or share, or take practical action on? A job description or work of some kind? People keep asking me to do other stuff – which I love, and see the value of, but it doesn’t speak whole-heartedly to my heart… Partially because I can’t even find the words to speak to describe what is sitting there in my heart….”
It’s still going to be a JOURNEY of note I’m sure, and I’m less worried about trying to do or share or take practical action around those visions… Back in November, December, the only thing I really knew for sure was that I had to “make space”. Stop. Create a space for something else – something deeply healing for myself – to emerge.
Of course, it didn’t make sense to stop! Who said that Soul cares about making sense anyway?
But I did. I stopped.
And, back in March, I got offered this job – co-ordinator for a local zero-waste programme… There’s strands of it weaving together community resilience, and garden growing programmes, and surplus sharing and lessening plastics… SO MANY STRANDS! It’s this wonderful weave of a dance of so many ideas and possibilities… And I get to play with these and pull them apart and turn them from ideas into projects and doing! And it is part-time! Which allows me to continue with the intuition and soul focussed part of my work I’ve been doing for so long….
It is quite simply marvellous!
I’m left standing here, with my feet firmly in my garden, one hand holding all this community and resilience and permaculture stuff, and the other hand holding all my soul focussed intuition work – and I feel like I am weaving them together into the most marvellous tapestry! It almost doesn’t make sense but it makes perfect sense when I look at the story of my life and all the aspects I have been so passionate about for so long… And to anyone who know me… Practical, embedded, soul-full, transformation work… (Some of the people I can’t talk soul stuff with, some I can’t talk energy and carbon footprint with – but that’s ok too, I can stand in the space inbetween). And it feels like each aspect will nurture and nourish the other… AND – I get to talk to people face to face. I was missing that during these last couple of years…
So, weaving forward – course dates to come, a new community space, more meditations, healing circles… More gardening, more engagement with people, more inspiration… Just more. Just after that job offer I came down with Covid – for which I am grateful. It was a bit like experiencing a mini vision quest – and I come out of it with a greater sense of clarity…
I am grateful to be here with you, to sharing time and space, for the energy of you in the weaving tapestry of life… However and wherever our paths cross. Thank you. I am just grateful to be here on this planet at this time now, in amongst all these changes, and potential. Especially during the hard times… There is a quote I read earlier this week, which spoke to my heart… (I’ll share it now now, along with a picture of the whole card I found it on.) I believe that.. No matter the appearance of the outer work & world, there is always more we each can do in the inner world, and this has an effect… And this quote speaks to that….
“Each time you shift an emotional response from anger or judgement to love, joy or gratitude you are doing global service work on a personal level.”Peggy Black, Morning Message Invitations
Being present to the heartbreak, sending love out, I believe that we can lift each other. Strangers and friends alike. Within that, I know for myself that it is so important to honour when things just don’t feel right within myself, and to go within to do that inner healing, so I can come back out more present. I couldn’t share much the last few months, simply because I couldn’t.
It is good to be here, Now.